The world is churning chaos. Especially for me. I am a police wife. I feel the virulent hatred all the more knowing my husband confronts it daily. I feel the divisiveness of our country as if my own heart was ripped right in half. The media bias, the negativity, the accusations, the internet vigilantes– all jabs in the rib of the law enforcement family.
And softly God whispers to my heart, “Be still.”
I am so stubborn; my heart so unquiet– so it may take awhile to set in. I want to fight, lash out, cry out, kick something. Because I know my husband isn’t like what people make police officers out to be. Because my husband is kind and honest and brave. He signed up to protect others. He signed up because he is strong and selfless. There have been times in the last year when I asked him if there was anything else in the world he could do, but he won’t relent because, despite the disparaging picture the news sometimes paints, he knows people need him. And we do.
We need good officers to rescue us from the grip of addictions, to gently talk us out of taking our own life. We need them to protect us from dangerous situations and from dangerous people. Sometimes their job is rough and they have to be rough to protect what is good. I respect officers for that so, so much because I know I could not do it. I can live a comfortable life knowing that men and women like him will sacrifice their time and sometimes themselves to protect someone, anyone like me. I am thankful someone is willing to go out and push back the darkness on my behalf.
However, I will try not to be angry at people who feel anger because they have a right to free speech as I do. I will try to forgive those who stir controversy because their own hearts are ablaze. As I urge others to think outside of stigmatized boxes and either/or mentalities, I will try to do the same. We are all so different but all so the same. When the puzzle pieces of humanity don’t fit together the way my perception sees fit, maybe I need to change the way I’m assembling that puzzle. To do so, I will need humility, kindness, compassion, and love: qualities that are easy to say we possess but so, so difficult to embody every moment of every day.
In the mean time I will pray.
A prayer I’ve offered before– for all law enforcement families who may be feeling as I do sometimes:
“Dear God, thank You. Thank You for the mornings when I hear the door unlock, the boots on hardwood, and the Velcro vest undone. Thank You that, despite the brokenness he sees, he comes home whole. Thank You for the purpose he has found in protecting and helping others. Thank You for protecting him and his colleagues for yet another shift, and thank You for a community that supports him– a silent majority who appreciates instead of scorns. Amen.”
“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day” (Psalm 91).